30 JunRaising Virtuous Children

“Is it possible to raise healthy, engaged children who are sexually pure in today’s world?”

I want my children to grow up virtuous. This means I want them to be honest (even when no one is looking), responsible, kind, intelligent, courageous, and sexually pure.  In this blog post I will be concentrating on sexual purity when I refer to virtue. Is this just a dream I have, or can is it really possible to raise virtuous children? When I read about high school boys raping girls after parties (and the good people of the town trying to cover it up), or about girls sexting, or about the general mockery of the idea of sexual purity I am troubled.

When I grew up culture was still on the side of sexual purity although the “sexual revolution” had begun. American culture itself still told me that it was wrong to engage in sexual activity outside of marriage. This has changed. Our American culture today winks and nods at sexual activity among teens. The general consensus seems to be “you can’t stop the kids from doing it, so just teach them to use protection.”

While my culture surrenders virtue to unbridled human desire I rebel and continue to fight on. The fight appears hopeless. It is like the battle of the Alamo. The courageous men in the Alamo looked out at an immense army led by Santa Ana and had no hope of victory. They fought anyway. In the end they were overcome. Every last one of them was killed. In my mind I still give the win to the men of the Alamo because of the courage with which they fought.  Although my fight for virtuous children appears to be against similar odds I don’t see the outcome as being the same. Let me tell you why.

First, my wife and I believe in virtue. We teach our children about virtue in words and by example. My children know that I have never been with another woman except my wife. They know I am the only man my wife has ever known. This sexual devotion to each other adds something powerful to our relationship. I know my children see and admire this.

Second, we control the movies and television our children view. My wife and I don’t watch anything they can’t watch. We avoid shows that portray sex without consequence. This takes energy and vigilance, but we are mostly successful.  When we do run into those kinds of scenes we discuss the choices being made and the reality of those decisions. This may sound awkward and controlling, but our discussions come about naturally with willing participation by the children involved. In addition to avoiding movies that suggest sex can be without consequence we find movies and books that portray the beauty of sexual fidelity. When we see examples of this pure love we comment on it. From the discussions that follow with our children it’s clear they are getting it.

Third, our family is immersed in a sub-culture that still believes in the value of virtue. I have a high level of confidence that most, if not all, of my children’s teenage friends are virgins. This means that my children are surrounded by virtue of one quality or another. There is less peer pressure to engage in sex. More importantly many of these friends are active proponents of virtue and not just coasting. They actually strengthen my children in virtue.

Fourth, and most importantly, my children’s adherence to sexual purity stems from a deep religious belief. The sex drive is so strong that without religious reasons to stay sexually pure there are no other reasons strong enough.  Most non-religious people will groan at this point. In their minds they see the show “Carrie” and Carrie’s religiously fanatic mother.  In the religion I follow it isn’t like that. Sexual purity is based upon love, not fear. It is based upon love of God. We love God and do not wish to betray his trust in the procreative powers he has given us. It is based upon love of their future husband or wife. To love someone so purely that you stay faithful to them even before you know them is love indeed. The fact that my family associates everyday with men, women, and youth who are living this sexual purity gives me great hopes in the fight I fight.

In spite of the hopes I have for the victory of sexual purity in the lives of my children I am aware that I do not control them. In spite of my influence in their lives they think thoughts I cannot stop; they see and hear things I cannot control. When they leave home they will do what they choose to do. Will they run amok and try to catch up on all they missed? I have three sons who have already left home. All three are in college. Two are married. They are definitely their own men and outside any rules I have set. I have reason to believe all three are sexually pure. The two shine in their marriages. The third is faithful to a woman he does not yet know. I have five more children. Three are beginning or are in their teenage years. My fight for virtue in the form of sexual purity continues. My battle plan is set and I have hopes for victory.