06 MayMy Dad’ing’ Ain’t Traditional

The best part of my life has been being Dad. I think I can say that with authority because I have been Dad to eight children. I’m not under that mystical spell that comes with being a new dad—you know, where it’s all wonder and joy. No, I’m far past the “cute” childhood stage. I’ve already experienced five teenagers and sent them out into the world. To my relief they are all productive and happy. My last three children, all teenagers, are still in the home. The adventure continues.

I haven’t been exactly a traditional father. My wife and I had four of our eight children at home. We homeschooled most of our children in a loose “school yourself” sort of way. I’ve only had one actually graduate from high school. Even so two have gone on to graduate from college (not the high school graduate—yet anyway). One is in the PhD program in Computer Science Program at BYU. Another graduated in communications. One is an artist. Another is pursuing a career as a mother, and another put herself through massage therapy school and is quite successful. Of the three left at home two take a couple of classes at school, and then pursue their studies on their own at home. I wanted my kids be free thinkers. Question everything, study it out, arrive at their own conclusions.

My last child, my fourteen year old son, is a strange one. We put him in public school in fifth grade. In home school he was far too distracted by the fun the computer offered to use it to study. So off he went to public school. Almost sounds like a punishment, doesn’t it.

This kid has been kind of “in my face” about it ever since. The boy comes home happy, and tells me all about the things he is learning. I go to parent teacher conferences and the teachers rave about him. I mean the kid has straight A’s.

You have to understand, I have often gotten up on my soapbox and preached “It’s the learning and understand, not the grades that matter! I have met many ignorant people in my life who were straight A students.” This is a far cry from one of my other sons who tried out high school. I learned years after the fact that he told one of his teachers, “I’ll take your class, but I won’t take your tests.” And he didn’t.

So what is my baby boy up to? Is he becoming a mindless part of the establishment? I’ve been watching him closely. Even doing so well in school he still seems to be thinking for himself. I have enough confidence in him to tell him, “I guess if you can get the A’s without compromising your learning, go ahead and get them.” He is. What a kid. As long as he’s happy and actually getting a good education he’ll stay in school. He might even graduate.

I have to admit that I’ve questioned my dad’ing’ style as I’ve gone along. Working outside the system means you have to deal with unknowns. It can be a little frightening. My path was more traditional: high school, BA, MA, and then corporate America. But I’ve learned since then. Now I’m a school bus driver, online English teacher, and a novelist.

Like any father I ultimately want my children to be happy. One thing I try to teach them is that happiness is something separate from material possessions, degrees, and careers. Go ahead and get your degrees, careers, and possessions, but never mistake them for the real deal. If you find that any of these things are replacing lasting happiness, don’t be afraid to do the right thing.

I actually had my wife and all eight of my children together in one place the other day. This included a few grandchildren. Each child is living his or her own life with its unique challenges right now, but there was much happiness present—even joy.

Yes, being a dad is a great thing.