17 MarChaos Theory in the Family

I’ve already raised three boys to adulthood. Two of them are married. A third is in college. I must have had plenty of experiences raising those boys, but it seems so long ago. My fourth son is coming of age now and it seems I am learning about raising sons all over again.

My fourth son is twelve-years-old. He is just behind two teenage sisters. These two sisters have hit puberty and bring lots of drama, excitement, and complexity into the home. In contrast this son has not hit puberty and still resides on the childhood side of existence. His voice is still high and his innocence unmarred.  He likes to call his friends over to jump on the trampoline, work on his fort, or shoot BB guns. That old unhappiness-maker of “being cool” has no influence over him yet.  Having a haircut like, dressing-like, or acting-like other boys plays no part in his behavior yet. He is just himself with no complicating factors. He loves Boy Scouts and always wears his uniform to meetings. He loves his responsibilities as a deacon—wears a white shirt and ties his own tie. He loves to boss his little brother and sister around in the name of his big-brother-hood. He adores his big sisters.

I know this golden-age in his life will end soon with the first injection of testosterone. Sometimes the anticipation of his sweetness giving way to orneriness as his world suddenly appears more difficult to him has me near tears. I know he is close to “turning.” The other day we were at a youth meeting that parents were invited to also. After the meeting, while cookies and ice cream were being served, I found this twelve-year-old son talking to a girl. Other than with his sisters I have never seen this son directly addressing a girl before. He has never shown a sign that he is aware of the existence of girls, so this caught my attention. Not only was he talking to a girl, but he was standing straighter than he usually stands and he was giving her more focused attention than he ever gives me.

Alarms went off in my head. This girl was a girl I knew and have watched grow up. She was his age, but clearly a little farther along in physical development. But what was I supposed to do? My other sons never showed much interest in girls until after high school (thank heavens). I put on my best “casual” attitude and walked up as if to join the conversation. They showed no discomfort at my presence. Actually I don’t think they noticed me at all.  What I heard relaxed me immediately. They were having an intense discussion about Pokémon cards. Yes, children still.

Two days later, at my computer repair shop, this young lady came through the front door. She was wearing a fashionable winter hat and mittens. She had two small dogs on leashes.

“Is your son here?” she asked.

My eyebrows went up. “Yes,” I answered.

“Is it okay if I bring my dogs in?” she asks. I allow it.

My son works with me in the shop. One of his main jobs is to watch the shop when I leave to do on-site work. On this day I had to leave soon after the young lady arrived. I thought about asking her to leave, but when I saw them both on the floor with Pokémon cards spread out between them I decided it was okay. When I arrived back about an hour later I found them sitting side-by-side in front of the computer playing a video game. Just then something good happened in the game and saw them do a special handshake that ended with a fist-bump. They each had one of the small dogs in their laps.

Scientists are excited when they see a large iceberg calve off Greenland or spot a giant squid in its natural environment. Well, they haven’t seen anything truly of wonder until they see one of their own children in the act of growing up. Chaos theory is interested in studying matter in the transition from an organized state to the state of chaos. That is what I was witnessing at that moment, and it was “heartswelling” as well as heartrending.